Archive for the ‘Stress’ Category

Fear: A Figment of Your Imagination?

Posted: January 22, 2013 in Courage, Fear, Stress
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This weekend I heard a wonderful illustration about fear and focus that I thought deserved to be repeated on a larger scale.

Balance Beam Let us imagine that I took a long plank that was 50 feet long and 1 foot wide. I put it up on cinder blocks so that it is about 3 feet off of the ground. At one end I place a $20 bill. I challenge you to walk from one end of the plank to the other without falling off. If you make it, you get the $20 bill. Sounds pretty easy, right? I think all of us could do it pretty easily without too much anxiety.

Now let’s imagine that I take the exact same plank and place it across a narrow and deep canyon with a raging river flowing at the bottom and razor-sharp rocks jutting out from the walls. Instead of a $20 bill, I place $100 on the other side of the canyon. If you can cross the canyon, you get the $100.

How many people do you think would be successful at crossing the canyon? How many do you think would even attempt it? I’m not sure I would.

But why not?

The plank is the exact same width and length. The reward is 5 times greater. Anyone who could cross the plank when it was 3 feet above the ground could also cross it when it is 100 feet above the ground.

Log over rapidsThe truth is that even though the plank dimensions haven’t changed, our focus has. We stop focusing on the money and start looking at the crashing rapids and jagged rocks. We focus so much on the obstacles that fear sets in and we forget that we already have the ability to make it safely across to the other side. In the end, we tend to be more likely to not even make an attempt.

Henry Ford said, “Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.”

In the trailer for an upcoming Will Smith movie, he says “Fear is not real. It is the product of thoughts you create.” What a true statement! There is no tangible object called fear and it isn’t like some virus that we catch.

Fear is created by our own mind as it tries to protect us from “danger”. The problem is that most of the time, our imagination gets a little irrational. It over-thinks and then overrides our common sense and confidence. Things that we know we have the ability to accomplish suddenly become impossible. Some times people even become paralyzed by the fear they have created. In simple terms, fear is a choice.

As you come to the chasms in your life with that narrow path leading to success, try not to focus on the obstacles. They are merely distractions to keep you from moving forward. When you feel fear growing inside you, it is okay to recognize it. It is okay to feel it. But move forward anyway. Remind yourself that you were created for success and destined for great accomplishments. The high achievers in the world are not those with no fear, they are the people who feel the fear, and move forward anyway.

May your determination exceed your trepidation.

Kris

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10 Simple Things to Make You Happier At Home

Posted: December 7, 2012 in Happiness, Stress
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10 steps to happy.jpgThis is a post I found at www.apartmenttherapy.com and I thought it was pretty insightful. Enjoy!

Our homes are an extension of who we are: what we do within the walls of our abodes shapes our mood, affects our productivity, and influences our outlook on life. Scientific studies have shown that we can have an impact on our happiness by adjusting the tiny little habits and routines that constitute our daily lives — we are, in fact, in control of our outlook on life.

It’s amazing how a few tweaks to our daily habits can become a catalyst for meaningful, positive change. Here are a few simple things you can do every day to feel happier at home.

1. Make your bed. In a popular post last month, I explained the many benefits of daily bed-making. Gretchen Rubin, New York Times best-selling author of The Happiness Project, explains that this three minute task is one of the simplest habits you can adopt to positively impact your happiness.

2. Bring every room back to “ready.” I learned this trick from Marilyn Paul’s clever book, It’s Hard to Make a Difference When You Can’t Find Your Keys. It’s a known fact: Clutter causes stress; order creates a haven from it. This mood-boosting routine is simple: Take about three minutes to bring each room back to “ready” before you depart it. (Unless you have a toddler, or a partner who likes to simulate earthquakes, three minutes should be sufficient.)

3. Display sentimental items around your home. One reason that experiences (and memories of those experiences) make us happier than material things is due to the entire cycle of enjoyment that experiences provide: planning the experience, looking forward to the experience, enjoying the experience, and then remembering the experience. Make your home a gallery of positive memories.

4. Start a one-line-a-day gratitude journal. Before bed, simply jot down one happy memory from that day. (If you have kids, you can ask them, “What was the best part of today?”) Reflection is an important part of happiness, and pausing to reflect on a positive event from each day cultivates gratitude. (An added bonus: Later, when your memory is defunct, you will already have all of your meaningful adventures recorded!) If you have trouble getting started with journaling, consider buying a book to guide you. Simple Abundance, by Sarah Ban Breathnach, is a great one.

5. If you can’t get out of it, get into it. This tip comes from The Happiness Project. I love the message: The dishes are not going to clean themselves, so you will do it, and you will like it! (Unless, of course, you can outsource this job, in which case I say: Nice work!) Otherwise, get into doing the dishes. Feel the soothing warm water on your hands. Enjoy the tickle of the tiny bubbles. Crank your favorite album at an unusually loud volume, do a couple fist-pumps while shouting “Can I get a hell yeah for the dishes? Hell! Yeah!” and pretend you love it.

6. Before you get up each morning, set an intent for the day. In The Art of Happiness, the Dali Lama says “”Every day, think as you wake up: today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it.” Wow. What a wise man. I tend to wake up with a strong visceral reaction that says, “Attention human beings: Be afraid of me before coffee. Be very afraid!” Setting a daily intent makes a huge difference. Your daily intent could be something like “be productive” or “enjoy today’s delicious moments” or it could be something more specific like “say thank you to my loved ones today.” But it should not be another “to do” item on your list.

7. Do small favors for your housemates, expecting nothing in return (not even a thank you!). (That’s right, I said it: nothing!) Mow the lawn for your husband, but don’t expect him to pat you on the back. Make the bed for your wife, but don’t try to get bonus points for it. Take the trash out for your roommate, just because. The ability to cultivate strong, healthy relationships is one of the biggest contributors to health and happiness, but when you start to keep score, the benefit is lost. (No! It’s YOUR turn to clean up the dog poop!) It’s a well-known fact: When you do good, you feel good.

8. Call at least one friend or family member a day. You can do this while you clean, while you make the bed, or while you walk the dog. Texts and emails do not count! Make an actual phone call to a loved one, just to chat and catch up. We humans are social beings and studies show that even when we don’t feel like it, even if we are naturally introverted, socializing with our loved ones makes us feel better.

9. Spend money on things that cultivate experiences at home. Save money for a new grill for parties or a new DVD for family movie night — something that will encourage you to have people over and entertain. Plan a summer barbeque, invite your closest friends, kick back and relax. (And don’t forget to print out the pictures to remember the good times.)

10. Spend a few minutes each day connecting with something greater than yourself. Whatever your spiritual beliefs — or non-beliefs — may be, studies show that connecting to a high power is correlated with happiness. Just stepping back to realize that we are part of an enormous universe can put some perspective on your annoyance with the those-are-definitely-not-mine-and-they-are-abso-fricking-lutely-repulsive socks under the coffee table. Before bed, spend just a few minutes contemplating something larger than yourself. Take a walk in nature. Write in a journal. Create a sacred space in your home. (Or if spirituality is really not your thing, create a home spa: light some candles, soak in a hot bath, delve into a good book… are you feeling better yet?)

Let It Go! A Parable for Reducing Stress

Posted: November 5, 2012 in Happiness, Perspective, Stress
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Let It Go PitcherWhen I was young, I loved to play baseball. My friends and I played every day. When Little League started, I wanted to be a pitcher. My dad was an all-star pitcher when he was a young boy and I wanted to be just like him. So he and I practiced in the backyard almost every night.

Finally, the day came for me to pitch in my first game.

I was nervous but so excited as I walked up to the pitcher’s mound. I still remember the anxious jitters I had as I put my foot on the rubber strip. I looked to the catcher for the sign, wound up and pitched.

Ball 1. No problem.

I wound up again and pitched…ball 2.

Soon ball 3 and ball 4 followed and I had officially walked the first batter I ever faced.

The second batter brought a chance to start over. I checked the runner at first, like I’d seen on T.V., wound up from the stretch, and pitched…

Within 2 minutes I had walked my second batter on 4 straight balls.

Then a third batter.

Then a fourth.

The score was 1-0 without the other team ever swinging their bat. I had not even thrown a strike.

“Just play catch with the catcher!”, said my coach.

“Just let them hit it!” said my team.

“Throw it underhand!” said some smart alec from the other team.

I soon walked 3 more batters in succession. With each batter, the strike zone and catcher’s mitt seemed to be getting smaller and smaller. As I continued to pitch, I started trying to force the ball into the strike zone. I would let go of the ball and then try to guide it into the catcher’s mitt as if by some magical force.

But the harder I tried to force it in, the farther it got from the strike zone.Let it Go!

In the end, I walked 12 straight batters before the coach had mercy on me and brought in a new pitcher. I was devastated. My professional pitching career was over long before it ever started.

As my dad and I walked back to the car he said to me, “Just let it go.”

“I can’t!” I snapped. “How can I ever pitch again? I was horrible!”

“I mean when you pitch.” he said calmly. “Go through your wind up and delivery but when the ball leaves your hand, just let it go. Don’t try to force it into the mitt.”

“I don’t know what you mean. Obviously when I throw it I have to let it go.” I said snidely.

“True, but how much control do you have over the ball after it leaves your fingertips?”

“None, I guess.”

“So all you can control are the things that happen before that point when the ball leaves your hand. After that, you have to let it go where it’s supposed to go.”

“So you’re saying that if my wind up and delivery are good, the pitch will be good?”

“Exactly. But if you focus so hard on forcing the ball into the glove, you will forget to perform a perfect delivery. Focus on the things you can control, and then just let it go. You can’t control everything. Great results will always follow great actions.”

The Lesson

My pitching career didn’t last more than a couple of seasons of little league. I moved on to other interests. Later in my life, however, I was able to revisit the wisdom of my father’s words. Often times in my adult life, I have tried to control the results around me. I want everything to work out perfectly so I try to force the results. And when I do, I often end up frustrated.

At these times, the words of my father come into my head, “Let it go.”

“Focus on the things you can control. Do your best. Then let it go. If you can perfect the things in your control, you will see great results.”

“Once you let it go, forget about it. Have faith that great things will come from your efforts.”

So when life seems to get crazy and out of control, remember to slow down for a minute. Look for ways to work on yourself and those aspects of your life that you can control….and then just let it go. “Great results always stem from great actions.”

May you throw many strikes in the pursuit of happiness!

Kris

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15 Pieces of Baggage Making You Sink!

Posted: October 28, 2012 in Habits, Life, Stress
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     Imagine you are in a small boat in the middle of the ocean. You are paddling towards a small island where you will spend 3 months of peaceful relaxation. In the boat you have gathered all of your favorite things. But as you paddle towards the island, you realize there is a small hole in your boat. Water is coming in faster than you can bale it out. Before long you realize that your only hope is to paddle to the island as fast as you can and arrive before the boat sinks completely. But as you paddle harder and harder, you realize that your baggage on the boat is too heavy to allow you to move quickly.

The only immediate solution is to get rid of excess weight by throwing most of your baggage overboard. It is that or sink. You look over your things and hesitate because many of the items have been a part of your life for many years. Eventually you make the tough decision and start dumping them over, one by one, into the ocean. Sure enough, the cargo gets lighter, and the boat begins to ride higher in the water. Relieved, you begin paddling forward again and make it to the island just as the boat sinks completely below the water.

This is a dramatic example but it applies to each of us. We tend to get attached to things that we have accumulated over the years. Some of them might have some practical value. Some others are just clutter.

Our mental life follows the same fate. We carry with us a lot of things in our heads along the years – our life story, emotional attachments, beliefs and other things which can linger in our minds for many years.

Some of them are useless ideas that drag us down considerably. Some are emotional debris from difficult moments in our past. Some are just beliefs which we have attached ourselves to for no apparent justifiable reason. Some others are just self-destructive habits and fears.

So if you were in the sinking boat situation, what is the mental baggage you could throw overboard? Here are some ideas:

1. Let go of taking things too personally: Very often we are disturbed emotionally because we interpret people’s words and actions from a very subjective perspective. When we take things personally we get irritated, hurt and disappointed.  When you look at life from a more detached and objective point of view, we stay emotionally balanced and focused on our priorities.

2. Let go of counterproductive habits: These are the repetitive patterns of behavior that obstruct or distract you from constructive and productive behavior. They can be anything from watching too much TV and overeating to self-destructive behavior such as drug abuse.

3. Let go of negative thinking: Pessimistic thoughts and negative attitudes keep you locked in a dark aura that permeates in everything you do. It’s a dangerous line to follow. Know that thoughts influence the world around us. Enough said.

4. Let go of self-criticism: Many times we are our biggest pain in the neck. We criticize ourselves with the best of intentions but then go over the acceptable limit. Criticism then turns to disempowering messages. Let go of it and be kind and gentle to yourself.

5. Let go of prejudice: Prejudice keeps you bitter and resentful. It restricts your opportunities to connect meaningfully with others.

6. Let go of compulsive thinking: Do you keep on doing something just because you feel you have to do it without any apparent reason? It’s time to honestly reflect on its usefulness and its side-effects.

7. Let go of the need for others’ approval: We often tend to seek approval by others. This is an attention-seeking behavior and one which threatens our self-confidence and authenticity.

8. Let go of limiting beliefs: Most of our limits are self-imposed. Life doesn’t have defined limits. Our beliefs do. Learn to identify those beliefs which narrow down your possibilities for action and let go of them.

9. Let go of grudges: Let me put it this way – grudges are bad for your heart. Keep them long enough or numerous enough and your health will eventually suffer. Research is showing the relationship between heart disease and emotions such as anger and grudges.

10. Let go of the “I’ll do it tomorrow” attitude: This is a delaying tactic of your subconscious saboteur trying to keep you from accomplishing important tasks. Try to be aware of it when you think it and consciously push yourself to do at least the first part of it. Naturally you will then continue the whole task because the hard part is only the beginning.

11. Let go of past heartbreaks: A heartbreak can take quite a long time to heal. Your heart is locked as your mind keeps on hovering over the same thought. The thing to realize is that in heartbreaks it is not the loss that make you suffer but the idea you create in your heads about that loss.

12. Let go of useless things: We also attach ourselves to things of all sort. Sometimes we clutter our life with useless objects. Let go of them and simplify your working and living environment.

13. Let go of bad company: If there are people around you that are insincere, harbor envy, are highly pessimistic or disempowering, keep away from them.

14. Let go of the idea that you are a product of your past: One very common mistake we fall into is the belief that we are determined by our past experiences. This limits our view on future possibilities since we are stuck in believing that the future can only be more of the same as our past.

15. Let go of identifying yourself with your job/role: This is one of the risks of modern day life. Since roles are always becoming more specialized we think that we are part of our roles. This makes us lose perspective of our true nature.

Most of the things holding us back in life are self-imposed; they are not placed upon us by anyone else. As you begin to unload the baggage you will feel your boat becoming lighter and you will begin to move forward much faster.

Kris

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How I Beat King Kong…And You Can Too!

Posted: October 5, 2012 in Goals, Persistence, Stress
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One of my favorite hobbies is road cycling. I like it so much that I get up at 4:30 every morning to go and put myself through pain and suffering. One of the routes we ride takes us up a hill that we affectionately call “King Kong.” It isn’t very long but it is pretty steep. You have to shift into a pretty easy gear to get to the top without killing yourself.

When I first started riding back in high school, “King Kong” was my nemesis. I could make it to the top but I always got passed by all of the other riders. Even as I got better I was consistently getting left behind by riders who I knew were not as strong as I was. Every time it was the same scenario; we would get to the base of the climb and I would go towards the front of the group but by the time we were half way up the hill I would drift to the back and then get left behind.

I remember the day when I had an epiphany and realized what I was doing to sabotage myself. I would hit the bottom of the hill in a hard gear and then power up it until I was completely tired, then shift to the next easiest gear. Before long I would get tired again and shift to the next easier gear, and so on. Essentially I was wearing myself down incrementally until I got to the point where I had nothing left. At that point, everyone else would start to pass me and I had no energy to go with them. Even the easiest gear would become almost too hard to pedal.

So the next time we road up “King Kong” I did something different. At the bottom of the hill I shifted down about 5 gears to where it felt like I was almost spinning my legs too fast. As the hill got steeper I tried to just maintain my legs spinning at a good speed. I was able to spin my way to the top of the hill faster than I ever had before. I didn’t just stay with the rest of the riders in the group, I left them behind. That day changed cycling for me and also taught me a lot about life.

Almost daily we come up against a large obstacle, trial, or project that we need to complete. The temptation is to go at it without a plan. We think if we just jump in and power through it we will overcome it and move on. But sometimes we start working through it and then it becomes longer or harder than we anticipated. So we wear ourselves down, then shift gears and go again. Little by little we lose energy and eventually give up or get bogged down because we just don’t have anything left to give. Then we give up. We have sabotaged ourselves incrementally and now we feel depressed or like we have failed.

I think there is a good way to avoid this and it is the same way I learned how to conquer “King Kong.”

Step 1: Know Your “Enemy”

You have to know what you are up against. If it is a specific trial in our life, we need to sit down and write out the facts. When written down, we realize that a lot of our problems aren’t as big as we have built them up to be in our head. Writing down the problem or task and everything we need to do to get passed it will help us focus on just the necessary goals. It removes some of the emotion and a lot of the stress.

Step 2: Set Your Goals

Once you have defined the problem, it is time to set some goals. Many large problems can be broken down into a series of tasks that can be accomplished one by one. Write down the steps that would be needed, in order, to complete the task. Then set a goal for when you would have each one done. Sometimes we will stress about doing something for a whole week and still get nothing done when we could have broken it down and completed just one small task per day and be done in 3-4 days.

Step 3: Get Into the Right Gear

With your problem broken down into smaller steps (like an easier gear) you can start spinning your way to the top. Don’t worry about the top of the mountain, just worry about the next step. If you keep checking off the small steps, one by one, you can have faith that very soon you will be at the top. You will have completed your project, overcome your obstacle, or pedaled through your trial.

Study after study has shown that 90% of the things we stress about never really happen. That means that we are walking around worrying about things that most likely will never happen. And sometimes this stress and worry can lead us into inaction. We worry so much about the difficulty of a task or trial that we just don’t even try to tackle it. And when we try to ignore it, it just grows bigger and harder in our mind.

But if we apply the 3 steps given above, we can break those problems down into manageable tasks. We can get in the right gear and overcome “King Kong”.

May you pedal with success!

Kris

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29 Ways to Simplify Your Life

Posted: September 19, 2012 in Discipline, Life, Stress
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Have you ever noticed how busy life has gotten? It seems like whenever there is available time, the world finds a way to fill it. The only way to manage it is to take an active stance against the “life clutter.” Here are some tips for simplifying your day. It is amazing how much stress you can get rid of by employing just a few of these strategies. Give it a try, you won’t be disappointed!

1. Start everyday with your most important task, leaving other ones undone
2. Do what you said you will do first
3. Say no when you are already committed and asked to take on more
4. Ask others for help whenever you need it
5. Finish things completely, don’t leave it only to have to come back again and again
6. Pick one thing at a time to do and focus on it
7. Make the most time for your passions and purposeful work
8. Leave spare time for yourself unscheduled and uncommitted
9. Prioritize your todo list
10. Keep one todo list and keep it short (only the most important things should be on it at any time)
11. Take time to be in solitude
12. Take time to pray and meditate
13. Make wasteful actions (like TV watching or pointless internet surfing) more difficult to do to help avoid them.
14. Find and eliminate other wasteful actions in your life
15. Develop habits and daily routines to practice important actions
16. Read every single day
17. Plan your week and all major tasks for that week
18. Review your accomplishments each week
19. Be grateful for what you have, what you can do, and for everything in your life
20. Turn off your cell phone
21. Turn off all notifications on your computer from IM, email or other popups
22. Eat simple meals and don’t cook things that don’t need to be cooked
23. Eat less, which lets you also prepare less and cleanup less and store less
24. Automate any bills, payments, and money transactions that you can
25. Ignore distractions from media
26. Commute by bicycle or public transit instead of the busy freeway
27. Use commuting time wisely by reading or listening to books
28. Consider a career or job change to reduce stress
29. Find and maintain routines for day to day things

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Stress! How Do You Beat It?

Posted: August 15, 2012 in Stress
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Picture      A young lady confidently walked around the room while leading and explaining stress management to an audience. She raised a glass of water, and everyone knew she was going to ask the ultimate question, ‘half empty or half full?’ But she fooled them all… “How heavy is this glass of water?”, she inquired with a smile.
The answers called out ranged from 8 oz. to 20 oz.
She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I
hold it. If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem. If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm. If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance. In each case it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.”
She continued, “And that’s the way it is with stress. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on.”
“As with the glass of water, you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again. When we’re refreshed, we can carry on with the burden – holding stress longer and better each time practiced.”

Many of us have a hard time letting go of stress at the end of the day. Stress is the number one cause of insomnia. Yet research has found that almost 90% of what we “stress out” about, never happens. We worry so much about what might happen tomorrow that we forget to focus on the great things that are happening today.

     So, as early in the evening as you can, put all your burdens down. Don’t carry them through the evening and into the night. If it is still a concern, you can pick them up tomorrow.

     Whatever burdens you’re carrying now, put them down for a moment. Relax, pick them up later after you’ve rested. Life is too short to be carrying around extra burdens!

Go out and make it a great day!

Kris

Here are some thoughts to help you relieve some stress:

1. Accept the fact that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re
the statue!

2. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat
them.

3. Always read stuff that makes you feel good.

4. Drive carefully… It’s not only cars that can be recalled by their Maker.

5. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

6. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

7. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

8. Never buy a car you can’t push.

9. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time, because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.

10. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

11. Since it’s the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

12. The second mouse gets the cheese.

13. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

14. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

15. You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

16. Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once.

17. We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

18. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

19. Have an awesome day and know that someone thought about you today.

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