Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

A Welcome Addition

Posted: May 17, 2013 in Family, Parenting and Kids
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Lily Birth 2

Normally I try to post on Mondays and Thursdays but this week I got to spend Thursday in the hospital welcoming our baby girl, Lily. We have 3 boys at home and decided to go for one more try at a girl.

The morning before coming into the hospital we had one last breakfast together with the boys. The conversation revolved around poop. No kidding. That is life with all boys. You try to teach them the important things in life but their ears only perk up when somebody farts. They grow out of that at some point right?Boys with Lily

Here is the picture of when they came to see the baby. I think my youngest is just realizing that he won’t be the center of attention any more!

We are extremely excited to experience a young lady in our home. It has already been a bit of a paradigm shift for me.

As I sit in the hospital, cherishing every 20 minutes of sleep I can get between crying, feeding and changing diapers, I can’t help but think about what a miracle birth and life are. I think that every parent looks at their newborn and deep down has the thought, “Okay, let’s just not screw this kid up.”

I am grateful to all of the readers of this blog for the insights and comments you have made. Successify is about 9 months old and I have learned so much from you. I know that I will be a better father to my children because of what you have taught me.

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Kris

Lily and Dad

Happy Mother’s Under-Appreciation Day!

Posted: May 13, 2013 in Family, Parenting and Kids
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Mother's Under-Appreciation Day

Wasn’t yesterday a great day? Mother’s Day is such a wonderful holiday because there is nobody who deserves a special day more than mom. They have more influence on how we turn out as adults than any other person we encounter as a child. They love us for who we are more than anybody else. Moms are special.

And that’s why, across the country, millions of dollars were spent on flowers, cards, chocolates and jewelry. At our house the boys and I made breakfast and gave my wife the gifts we had made. Later I tried my best to make a delicious dinner (although this morning my stomach is telling me I may have given us food poisoning). Sorry honey!

So what happens now?

multitasking-mom4Well, today is “Mother’s Under-Appreciation Day”. It’s the day where moms continue doing what they have always done. They get back to work. They resume their daily job as the teacher, counselor, maid, chauffeur, provider, chef, tailor, and child psychologist all wrapped into one. They do it thanklessly and without complaining. They wait quietly for 364 more days until they get to be recognized again for all that they do. How often do our young people see their mom washing their clothes or cooking their dinner and walk by without saying thank you or even acknowledging her effort? How many husbands do this to their wives? It happens all of the time.

I know I am guilty of it.

On Mother’s Day I counted 147 Facebook updates in my feed where someone referenced appreciation for their mother or wife. Today I have counted 3, and 2 of them apologized for not saying it on Mother’s Day. That is why today is “Mother’s Under-Appreciation Day”. It starts today and goes until next May. It is that period of time where we don’t stop appreciating our mothers and wives, we just stop telling them as often.

That’s partly why moms are a miracle. The fact that anybody would do so much for us while asking so little in return is just incredible to me. They put many parts of their life on hold for 20-30 years so that their children can be provided for physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. images-1

A certain woman was heard to say as she observed a manly young man: “I would give twenty years of my life to have such a son.” And the mother of the young man was heard to say: “That’s what I have given – twenty years of my life to have such a son.”

And that is what a mother will give. She will give everything. I tell the youth I work with that there are not many people in this world who would give their life for you without question, but your mother is one.

I echo the words of Abraham Lincoln who said, “All that I am or ever hope to be, I owe to my angel Mother.”

I hope that we can all help our moms know how much we appreciate them every day. I’ll leave you with a poem I found this weekend.

Motherhood

The bravest battle that ever was fought!
Shall I tell you where and when?
On the maps of the world you will find it not;
‘Twas fought by the mothers of men.

Nay not with the cannon of battle-shot,
With a sword or noble pen;
Nay, not with eloquent words or thought
From mouth of wonderful men!

But deep in a walled-up woman’s heart –
Of a woman that would not yield,
But bravely, silently bore her part –
Lo, there is the battlefield!

No marshaling troops, no bivouac song,
No banner to gleam and wave;
But oh! those battles, they last so long –
From babyhood to the grave.

I hope we can all take the time as often as possible to thank the women in our lives for all that they do to love and support us.

Kris

If you enjoyed this post, please pass it along to your mom, wife or other special lady to brighten their “Mother’s Under-Appreciation Day.”

New Year’s Resolutions for Kids

Posted: December 31, 2012 in Family, Goals, Parenting and Kids
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calvin-hobbes-new-years-resolutionsLast night when I was putting my oldest son to bed we started talking about the past year and things we wanted to do better this coming year. I asked him if he had ever heard of New Year’s Resolutions. He said, “Yeah, those are the things that people always break, right?” I really couldn’t disagree. But it got me thinking about setting goals with our children and writing down New Year’s resolutions with them. Here is an article I like from PBS.org about setting New Year’s resolutions with our kids:

For many of us, the New Year means it’s time to take stock of our lives and fix what we don’t like. Whether it’s our diet, exercise routine or tendency to procrastinate, there is always room for improvement in the coming year. We not only benefit from New Year’s resolutions; our children can also learn a lot about self-discipline and the value of making goals. Here are some tips on how to help your kids benefit from making resolutions.

Make It a Family Activity

The best way to teach your children the importance of New Year’s resolutions is by making it part of the family tradition. Sit down each December and reflect on the past year, discussing your accomplishments and goals, as individuals and as a family. In your resolution conversation you can each talk about what worked this year and what didn’t.

Dr. Benjamin Siegel, professor of pediatrics and psychiatry at Boston University School of Medicine, suggests saying, “Each one of us is going to state a few things that we want to continue to do and things we’d like to change that would make us feel better about ourselves and how our family works.”

Each family member gets a turn sharing something they are proud of and something they want to improve. It may help for parents to go first, to give children a model. If your child is old enough to write, he or she should write down their accomplishments and goals, and you can help your younger child by writing theirs down.

Resolutions for the entire family might include taking a monthly hike, playing board games twice a month or committing to more volunteering activities. Try to limit the number so they are more doable and more meaningful. “A list of 100 things is impossible,” Siegel says. “It should be based on things that are doable without economic hardship.”

You can make a master list to hang in a public spot, like a bulletin board in the kitchen. Dr. Kathleen Clarke-Pearson, a clinical assistant professor of pediatrics at the University of North Carolina School of Medicine, suggests making a resolution box, in which each family member can drop in his or her resolutions, then pull them out at a later date to review them.

Different Resolutions for Different Ages

What your child needs to work on depends on your child. If you are concerned about his diet, then encourage healthier eating habits for him as well as the whole family. If your daughter’s room is a mess, try to help her commit 10 minutes a day to cleaning it. As your child ages, he can be more active in coming up with goals, which will mean more to him when he achieves them.

For preschool-aged children, the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) recommends resolutions that focus on cleaning up toys, brushing teeth and washing hands and being kind to pets. However, parents who consider these behaviors part of their regular expectations may want to provide resolutions that focus on higher goals.

Clarke-Pearson suggests preschoolers be encouraged to work on listening and helping skills. A resolution could be “I will be a better listener when Mommy or Daddy asks me to do something” or “I will help out more when Mommy or Daddy asks me.” If you keep it simple, your child is more likely to understand the concept as well as succeed.

As a child reaches age five and up to age 12, he or she is more able to comprehend a resolution and participate more in the process of picking one. The AAP suggests this age group commit to drinking more milk and water on a daily basis, wearing a seat belt and being friendly to all children. What your child needs to work on is very personal, so work with your child to come up with areas for improvement. Is she having trouble with a certain subject at school that needs more attention? Is he oversleeping and nearly missing the bus most mornings?

When your child gets into adolescence, the AAP recommendations focus more on the child taking more responsibility for his actions, including taking care of his body, dealing with stress in a healthy way, talking through conflict, resisting drugs and alcohol and helping others through community service.

Serve as a Role Model

No matter what age your child is, he or she is more likely to understand the value of goal setting if you take the lead. Just as with everything else you do, your child is watching. “Parents should be reflective about how they wish to be in the coming year,” Siegel says. “It’s a good opportunity to promote good mental and physical health.”

Think of how you can include your child in your resolution. “I’m going to drink more water this year, because water is good for me. Do you want to join me?” If you are finding yourself checking your e-mail when you should be spending time as a family, consider incorporating that into a goal. “I’m going to turn off my phone when I get home. Can you remind me and also remember to keep your computer in your room until after dinnertime?”

Rewards Are Long Lasting

We all know the feeling of meeting a goal, whether it be losing five pounds, quitting smoking or putting in extra hours to earn a promotion. Children also relish that thrill of accomplishment, especially when their parents are acknowledging it. As you go over the family list of resolutions each month or quarter, take time to acknowledge the successes, along with reinforcing the resolutions that need more attention. “Children will benefit by having the parent praise them, which will improve their self-esteem,” Siegel says. “This will help them with self-regulatory behaviors that they can integrate into being a healthy adult.”

When you sit down to review resolutions, this is not time for punishment, however. It’s important to be flexible and understanding, especially if the child is making the effort. “You don’t penalize if you don’t fulfill a resolution,” Clarke-Pearson says. “The resolution is not written in stone. It’s a guide.”

However your family arrives at resolutions, the best part is that you’re doing it together and learning how to manage your role not only in the family but also in the larger world.

Tetris and Good Parenting

Posted: November 17, 2012 in Family, Life
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If you are old enough to remember the 80′s then you will, of course, remember the game “Tetris” for the Gameboy. Tetris was the Angry Birds of its day. It was huge and we all played it. Any we can still remember the background music perfectly to this day. I think our blood pressure stills goes up when we think about waiting for that long straight piece we waited for and only got a series of the “s” shaped pieces.

Anyway, what does any of this have to do with parenting?

Recently, a group of researchers were studying the brain activity of amnesiacs, specifically those people with short-term memory loss. The goal of the study was to see if their patients could learn something new one day, forget that they ever learned it, but still be able to perform the new skill.

So they used Tetris.

The patients spent 4 hours playing Tetris one day. At first the game was new to them and they had trouble getting a high score. But as expected, after a few hours they started to get better and better at it. They figured out the little tricks to use in order to advance farther in the game.

One week later they brought them back to the testing center. Most of them claimed they had never been there before and the patients who did remember it, had no recollection of ever playing a game called Tetris.

But here’s where it gets interesting. When they sat down to play the game, they immediately knew how to play and their scores picked up right where they left off. The patients exclaimed that they were amazed how good they were at a game they were playing for the first time.

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The conclusion of the study was that even though the patients had no conscious recollection of ever learning how to play the game, their brain had already stored the information and even formed some neural pathways to help them succeed at the task the next time it was presented. So even when the conscious brain failed, the subconscious brain took over.

How does this relate to parenting?

Those with kids will know about the frustration of teaching your children something a million times but still having them do the opposite or behave in public in a manner completely different than what is taught at home.

Let’s just say that most kids until they are about 21 suffer from short-term memory loss. They can learn something one day but completely forget they ever learned it 2 days later. I know I was that way and I’m sure you were too. Parents teach their kids important and wise lessons all the time and yet when the kid goes out at night, they seem to forget everything they were taught.

But the Tetris study teaches us something important. It shows us as parents that we need to continue to teach our children the good things over and over again. We need to show them by example how to be responsible, how to treat others, how to work, how to serve other people, etc. Even when it seems they aren’t listening.

These lessons are like Tetris. We teach them over and over until we know they have learned the principles. Then, later in life, even though they don’t remember learning the lessons they start behaving the way we hoped they would. They think they’ve figured things out and are making their own decisions but really they already learned them long ago but forgot. The skills were learned but they have suffered from memory loss. It is just like the amnesia patients who still knew how to play Tetris even though they never remembered playing it before.

The Bible says, “Train up a child in the way he should go and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

I believe this is true, in Tetris and in life. We continue to teach the best lessons now so that they will be able to draw on the lessons in their subconscious later in life when they are on their own. So don’t give up on your kids when it seems they aren’t listening. The benefits of your efforts will manifest themselves later when your children need them most.

Kris

10 Habits of Happy Couples

Posted: October 1, 2012 in Family, Life
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I found this short article this morning from Mark Goulston. These are simple habits that are common among all happy couples. Enjoy!

What does it take to be happy in a relationship? If you’re working to improve your marriage, here are the 10 habits of happy couples.

1. Go to bed at the same time
Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn’t wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps.

2. Cultivate common interests
After the passion settles down, it’s common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don’t minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side
Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it’s more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.

5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong
If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work
Our skin has a memory of “good touch” (loved), “bad touch” (abused) and “no touch” (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the “good touch,” which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.

7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning
This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.

8. Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel
This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.

9. Do a “weather” check during the day
Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner
Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact — hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.

Happy couples have different habits than unhappy couples. A habit is a discrete behavior that you do automatically and that takes little effort to maintain. It takes 21 days of daily repetition of a new a behavior to become a habit. So select one of the behaviors in the list above to do for 21 days and voila, it will become a habit…and make you happier as a couple. And if you fall off the wagon, don’t despair, just apologize to your partner, ask their forgiveness and recommit yourself to getting back in the habit.