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13 Ways to Deal with the Loss of a Loved One

Grief-and-Grieving

Last week a reader named Mike mentioned that he was having a hard time dealing with the sudden passing of his father. I was very humbled by the responses from our other readers who gave advice on how to deal with the grieving process. The comments were so wonderful and heartfelt that I thought they would be nice to share with everyone. So here they are. I have edited a few of them just to add detail or bring consistency to the overall post.

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1. Embrace the sorrow. Sorrow is not the opposite of happiness. Sorrow can be called the “beautiful sadness” when the feeling comes from a mixture of great appreciation and extreme longing for the loved one who has passed. It takes a human being a while to adjust to major changes in the world, such as the disappearance of a major pillar of our lives. – YB

2. Do something positive in your father’s name. You could start a charity or a scholarship fund. Make a donation. Plant a tree or something else that you can watch grow. This can help to ease the sadness back into joy. – Joy W.

3. Remember what your father taught you. You can ease the grieving process by remembering what your Father meant to you when he was here, what he taught you and how much he loved you. Time will do the rest. One day you will just remember his good years and be grateful. I lost mine too tragically and needlessly. Now I remember how much he loved and was pleased with me. Talk about him. Even talk TO him. – Miranda

4. Accept the pain. You can accept the pain and give yourself time to heal, mentally and physically, and understand you need time. We all get upset and lose people we love in ways that were unexpected. It’s ok to be angry and hurt. Validating that your feelings are ok and giving yourself the time to deal with it is key. Some people try to put on a face so others don’t see their pain. That just drags on the pain. Acknowledge it, face it, deal with it and then you can move on. Focus on all of the happy times you had with your dad. Celebrate his life after you mourn his death. – Christina

5. Don’t put a timer on the pain. Mike, that is a hard one to bear. I am sorry for your loss. Losing a parent tragically and suddenly throws you for a loop. I lost my mother unexpectedly. One day she was here, the next gone. My father lived almost 20 years without, when he suddenly took a turn and was rushed to the hospital and died within hours. Just last year, my brother died of cancer. I feel robbed. I can only tell you that you must deal with your grief first and don’t put a timer on it. Some of us spring back easier than others. Eventually, you’ll allow yourself to smile again, laugh and remember sweet, happier times with you father. The cutting-to-the-heart sadness will always be there, but it will soften over time. – Becki

6. Grow from the Pain. Mike, first I’m sorry to hear of your profound loss. With an event like that, just staying with those difficult feelings when you can and taking time out for self-care and family support is a huge achievement. Courageously experiencing our felt sense of grief is an enormously powerful growth experience, although we wouldn’t wish it on anyone else. Kahlil Gibran wrote “Pain is the breaking of the shell that encloses your understanding” and I have come to feel the truth of that. I think a better word than “happy” for a truly centered and healthy person is “joyful” – we can be in contact with the joy and mystery of life even when we aren’t happy, even when grief and loss take center stage in our personal experience. Being present with our experience as much as we can reminds us of our larger belonging, our timeless self. – Chris

7. Focus on the good things. Accept that your father is in the best place and for you to focus on things good in your life no matter how small. Focusing on the things you can change will put you in a better state of mind. – Samantha

8. Connect meaningfully with others. Mike, very sorry about your loss. No happy successful person is happy all the time – otherwise, he is a phony. Finding the right approach to deal with tragedy is a very personal thing… You will find yours, I am sure. Pain in the short run is unavoidable, and that’s ok. The goal is to not let the pain break you in the long run. For me (and that’s the personal part which may not work for you), what worked was an intense focus on the present day, and attempting to connect with others meaningfully – also to find outlets to express my frustration and anger – also to spend time in nature – and finally to forget all the silly talk about how every experience can be positive and instead realize that life is a school for the spirit, and not every lesson is pleasant… Take care, and kudos for your journey. – Stan

9. Believe that someone is in control. Any loss like this is not easy…I lost my Dad about 7 years ago. But contentment/happiness is not the same as no trouble come your way. Perhaps most important is a belief that God is in control, no matter what. – Christoph

10. Keep the memories. It’s very difficult to do. Over time you have to let go of the loss and keep the memories of the time together. I’ve lost both of my parents, and though their loss makes me sad, the memories of the times we did have together remain and make me happy. I am able to share the memories of my parents with my children, and that in its self brings me happiness too. You will find it, it just takes time. – Dave

11. One day at a time. You have to handle it the same way sad and broke people do, one day at a time. Only time will heal the wound. – Rich

12. Pain is proportional to the amount you loved. Dear Mike, I don’t know you but I’m sorry for your loss – I struggle with bereavements and accepting the loss of anyone close to me. Always remember that your pain is only ever equal to how much you loved – this is a gift in life, and something to be cherished. Good luck and I hope this thought brings you some comfort. – CF

13. Believe that everything happens for a reason. I, too, lost my Dad tragically. It wasn’t sudden… he diminished over 10 years with Alzheimer’s, and it was excruciating to watch my friend and mentor waste away to oblivion. The loss is always with me, but I believe the process of grief has strengthened my resolve to live my life fully and to take things “one day at a time,” I believe that prayer is answered when we welcome everything, even the crap that life throws our way. Be strong, be happy, and be aware that everything really does happen for a reason. – Tanya

I just want to add that everyone grieves differently and no one can fully understand all aspects of an individuals suffering. At some point we do have to find a place for our sorrow. If it stays at the front of our thoughts it will start to define us. It will direct all of our actions and eventually consume us. When the time feels right, do not get rid of the sorrow. Put it in a special place in your heart so that you can always remember the good times, the love, and the appreciation you have for them and the life they lived.

Kris

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52 comments

  1. Thanks for this post–I lost my mom in July 2012 and it’s comforting to read others’ stories and how they cope and move through their grief and with their grief. Great read!

    • Sorry to hear about your mom. I hope there was something in this post that brought you comfort. I have not dealt with loss of a parent yet and I hope that when the time comes I will be able to take comfort from the words of others.

      • Thanks so much–yes, I did find comfort in many of the items shared in this post. I have started writing a book, which has been both therapeutic and scary (LOL) …yes, the words of others and the network of friends and family you have around you will be very important as you will rely on them deeply.

    • i kniow how you all feel i rescently lost my nan and she was my world and my best friend i deeply miss her

  2. Thank you,my ten yr. old son died tragically 16 months ago from a asthma attack. The pain is still
    Unbearable at times,it is different from losing a parent,I know from personal experience. My life has been full of loss,mom,dad,brother,sister,and now my son. God Bless us All.

  3. I just happened to listen to something on the same subject this morning – it moved me and helped me to realize how important our eternal perspective is in helping one another with grief, growth, and love (specifically at the 29:20 mark): http://www.mormonchannel.org/conversations/elder-shayne-m-bowen

    • I lost both of my parents in a four month period of time. 15 months later lost my 18 year old daughter in a tragic car accident. I just hit the four month mark two days ago. I am very raw in the grieving process but have jounrnaled about the process on fb. Here is a post from a few days ago. Courage….when I was a child I thought courage was getting back up when something knocked me down….While this is true, I have learned it is so much more.
      Courage is getting out of bed in the morning, reading something uplifting, facing the challenges of another day, with the complexities of life that make the bed so appealing…
      Courage is putting on my mother hat, taking the high road, when I want to be completely self obsorbed….
      Courage is choosing to smile even when joy seems illusive, vanished… gone
      Courage is leaving my house, engaging in conversations about trivial things, when my brain is screaming other wise…
      Courage is openly expressing, being vulnerable…
      Courage is saying I’m sorry, even when no ill will was ever intended….
      Courage is accepting the Lord’s will when I have no idea what he is trying to teach me…

      Courage is also choosing to be grateful, even in the most trying of circumstances…
      Courage is looking outside my own problems, caring about another, choosing to love, even when it isn’t returned as I would hope or like it to be…
      Courage is discovering my weaknesses and choosing to again work on change, even if it seems to be a futile effort,…
      Courage is loving myself even when I look in the mirror and don’t recognize the person looking back at me…
      Courage is seeking Christ, when I feel such dispair…
      Courage is asking for help when you already feel so endebted…
      Courage is saying no, even when you know it will disappoint another, or be misunderstood..
      Courage is looking for the good, ignoring the difficult, trying to see others divine worth…
      Courage is trying to move forward with life…
      Courage is exposing feelings, admitting weaknesses…..

      • wow,,now i know.i just lost my dad who was my greatest friend and hero.i choose to be thankful despite all whats happening in my life now.

      • i can relate I lost my husband 6/15/15 he and I was together since we was nine years old we became boyfriend and girlfriend at 14 married for 31 years I miss him a lot some time it seem like I am alone some days are harder than others but I thank god for the time he allowed us to have

  4. I am going to pass this along (at the appropriate time) to my cousin whose best friend died in a tragic accident this week. Sometimes when things don’t make sense we can find comfort from others who have been there too.

  5. Frances Woodward

    Life……death……heavenly life……The thought that I personally believe I will be with my beloved ♥Mother♥Dad♥brother♥sister♥ is ever so comforting to me through the deep sorrow dealt with/being dealt with over each of their losses.

    Realizing we each much deal with our own personal grief in our own way and in our own time as needed, our loss of our loved one(s) must be dealt with for our own personal being. I feel the need to share my personal grieving experience because, due to not handling it in a timely manner, I am currently recovering from a stroke caused by the extreme stress overall.

    My dear ♥Dad♥ passed away, 92 years of age, 2003, old age…… My dearest ♥Sister♥ passed away, June 2012, cancer. Both my dear ♥Dad♥ and ♥Sister♥ lived in WA State; and, I reside in CA. Fall, 2012 I travelled to WA for the sole purpose of seeking closure.

    My breaking point…… My dear ♥Sister♥ has a beautiful daughter, who was her caregiver for the majority of time she suffered and eventually lost her courageous battle to evil cancer.

    On the day of my dear ♥Sister♥ passing, my beautiful ♥niece♥ was released from the hospital after having surgery due to……cancer! “Thank GOD” she was able to be with her dear Mother as she passed.

    Due to circumstances beyond family control, a Celebration of Life “may be” held, June, 2013 for my dear ♥Sister♥.

    In the meantime, while visiting WA, my dear ♥Dad’s♥ ashes were buried next to my dear ♥Mother♥. Know that I do feel comfort and a bit of closure having my dear ♥Dad♥ buried next to my dear ♥Mother♥.

    The extreme stress, due to the loss of my dear ♥Sister♥, dealing with my dear ♥Dad’s♥
    ashes, almost ten years later; and, my dear ♥niece♥ diagnosed with cancer pushed me over my limit. Extreme stress contributed to high blood pressure causing a blood clot in my left eye, a stroke in my eye!

    To date, I am recovering; although, I have a visual blind spot, in my eye, due to the stroke.

    I stress……take care of yourself; as, no one will take better care of you than you! Allow yourself to grieve; but in time, your own time, seek closure.

    How important it is to build forever memories; as, those forever memories will turn into forever treasured memories. In times of need, think about those beautiful treasured memories with love, happiness and peace; afterall, this is what our loved ones would want…… ~♥~

  6. lost my dad in july 2012.. he would have turned 59, 2 days back if he were still around.. i miss him :/ been 9 months, i still end up crying sometimes.. but yes, talking TO him makes me feel better, i end up crying then too, because i feel better sharing my problems with him.. how i wish i could hear his views on everything good and bad thats going on in my life right now. :/

    • That made me cry because right now the doctor is speculating that my grandma (whom I’M very close to) has stage 4 lung cancer. He’s quite sure from his experience but the report doesn’t come out till quite late so he can’t confirm. I cried for a whole day and what makes matters worse is that I will have to worry for a very long time and every exciting little thing won’t have much effect. And this week was going to be really fun:(

  7. lost my sister 3 years ago, she was murdered, shot 3 times, then her body burned. i now have her daughter, my niece, to take care of, as her exhusband is the one who killed her, then he committed suicide…the grieving has been a hard process…in the beginning just shock,,,,,focusing everything on my niece at home, and trying to go into robot mode at work….my mantra was to “just breathe”….but, now, 3 years later, i still go through episodes of great grief, and still try to hold it in as i fear if i give in to it, i won’t be able to get out of it…..but i come out of them sooner….there are now some days i only think about it once or twice a day, instead of every hour….so…it is progress….i am able to talk about it now…i wasn’t for the first 2 years, so it gets better…but, yeah, everyone has their own timeclock….

    • Frances Woodward

      Oh dear Liz, I am so sorry for your tragic loss of your dear Sister. My heart cries with you.

      What a blessing you are to your niece. Build positive, happy memories through pictures. Perhaps you might want to consider making a beautiful scrapbook of pictures with the help of your niece. Make it a family project. Maybe one day your niece will be able to share it with her children.

      My thoughts and prayers are being sent your way often for your continued strength, comfort and peace upon you and your dear niece over your tragic loss.

      Remember……one small step……one day at a time. Keep the treasured, cheerful memories alive often.

  8. Thank you Kris… This is the best quote so far about grieving. Brought tears into my eyes, but I understand better now what I must try to do : put the sorrow in a special place so it doesn’t define me. I lost my dad, who was also a friend and a confident, in January 2012 from ALS… Thank you again for your kind words.

  9. I loved this post and hope it goes viral for all those that need to just grieve. What I had to come to terms with was #5 in not putting a timer on the pain. It was so hard to lose a close friend and see everyone getting over it and past it so seemingly quickly. I just couldn’t get myself to do it, I started to obsess and stress over getting past my loss.Finally I realized I am not bound by anyone to get one with anything, I grieved pridefully and then all of a sudden I was OK again. Thank you for this beautiful article.

  10. I just my boyfriend back on April 29,2013 of a massive heart attack. His name was Paul and I loved him so much. I still have days where I cry a lot. I feel like a part of me is missing. I feel like sometimes I can’t go on without him.. If anyway has any advice for me, please email me okay. thanks

  11. caljr2005@yahoo.com

    Hello Kris and everyone, I have never had to to deal with the death of loved one but I’m afraid will have to soon, my father is 86 yrs old with liver cancer and was placed on hospice today March 27th, 2014. I’ve had friends, parents of friends, uncles, aunts, cousins and all my grandparents that have passed but never a sibling or parent until now. Well my eldest sister passed when I was about 5 yrs old and she was already married so in never did affect me like it is now.

    I want to help my mother deal with this because they have been married for like 65 yrs. I know its going to affect her deeply and there fore want to help as much as possible. She’s also 85 and in good health both physically and mentally.

    Any advice would be appreciated it.

    J.R. Flores

  12. Dear Blanche Nelson, I am going through same loss. I just my man on Father’s Day. He had a heart attack. I find it so hard. I can’t eat or do anything. All I do is cry and cry. I can relate to you.

  13. Hi My name is James I’m 26 years old. I lost my Father about 5 years ago to Brain & lung cancer. It was quick and we were very close. It WAS just ME AND him. My mom passed on when I was 2 months old to heart failure. My Father raised me by himself. He was diagnosed with cancer August of 2008 and passed as I was laying on heart February 6th of 2009. It hasn’t been easy, but I’ve been Positive. I currently teach at a daycare center and mentor and teach 7-10 yrs old. I’ve lived in the same apartment son his passing, leaving his room idle. Well I’m planning to foster a child soon. I’ve been slowly cleaning out the room, but I’m having an emotional attachment to his stuff, such as shoes, and clothing. In the past years I’ve tried to get rid of them, but I’m afraid I guess. I need to know if anyone else has/having this problem; and what’s the best thing to do. Thanks it would really help.

  14. My dearest darling daddy passed away three weeks ago suddenly from lung cancer …. And I’m beyond devastated….. I have my mom but my dad was my life !!!! A truly amazing wonderful awe inspiring human being ! I cannot sleep at all… Sometimes I pass out like midnight due to sheer exhaustion … But wake up in like an hour or two with panic attacks …. I’m angry at God for taking away my daddy …. My own life seems burdensome …. Without him …..

    • Sujana,
      I am so sorry for your loss. I have not lost either of my parents yet and therefore could never pretend to understand the pain and grief you feel. I hope you found some solace or ideas in this article to help with the grieving process. You will get through this. I have no doubt that your father would have wanted you to be strong and show that you are a great person because of all he taught you. Best of luck.

  15. Thank you Kris…. Yes he was a very strong person and amongst all my3 siblings I’m most like my daddy . My mom says that all the time and I know he would want me to be thankful for all the wonderful things and people I have in my life …..I pray daily to daddy for help in this ….

    • I know how you guys all feel I lost my great great grandmother to internal bleeding and i wake up in the middle of the night crying and I’m so mad that it happened. It has made me depressed. I also lost my grandma to suicide and I’ve been even more depressed

      R.I.P Bupchie ( 1934-2014) she died at 82 years old and her birthday had passed almost 3 weeks ago she died on February 25th. I’m so sad your gone and I wish you could see this.

      R.I.P Lorriane ( 1954-2012) she commuted suicide at age 56. It didn’t help. How could you do this to me grandma?? I miss you

  16. Loosing a loved one is the most painful thing ever, I lost my of in 2010 and on 31 Oct 2014 I lost my dad. The pain is unbearable though I am trying to be strong for my son’s sake who happened to loose a grandpa,a best friend and a mentor when dad died. At this juncture I am trying to get him professional help since he is a very shy boy who would normally open up to my late dad only. They say time is a healer and I am sure in due course the pain will feel much better, thank God for this column.Stay blessed!

  17. i lost my stepdad when i was 11 i am now 14 it is almost 4 years. i cry to myself every night and i find it very hard to express how i feel to others around me. he suddenly passed after a traggic brain heomarage at my house in july 2011… someone please help me .

    • Baby girl all I can say is THATI believe that they are looking on and in my heart we will be with them again…but for now god is not ready for us we have other work to do before we go…we have to look after those that need help..that helps me get up in the morning..understand it takes a long long time to make peace in your heart..but helping others with whatever you can do even if it is support in there personal loss it does help somewhat…..I hope this helps you…

      Heartbroken too.

  18. on may 11th 2014, i lost my mother due to kidney failure. i was 13 years old and i didnt know what to do with my life after that. its reasuring to know that im not the only one that has lost a loved one. my mother was 47 years old. its been a hard year and a half.

  19. I lost my mother seven years ago and my brother just over a week ago, he never got over losing my mum which iswhy he drank so mumuch.A year ago he was rushed into hospital with bleeding but made a full recovery even though his liver was scarred and was told not to drink.We were all there for him and supported him, unfortunatly three days before we lost him he was taken into hospital for another bleed and infection, the doctors did all they can but his body just gave up.I can, t accept that my big brother has gone, I, m not close to my sister but I loved my brother so much, he was always there at the end of the phone, he was 39.I would love to believe that hes happy now and with my mum, I also feel guilty as I couldnt be with him when he died, I saw him in hospital and kissed his cheek but I couldnt cope seeing him like that, i couldnt bare to watch him die, it destroyed me watching my mum go,my sisters stayed with him and said how much we all loved him, im also angry that we couldnt save him, if he stopped drinking earlier he would be ok but he wasn, t able to stop.This feeling of sadness and guilt is unbearable.

    • Emma, it’s those feelings of guilt that come over me from time to time that send me into an emotional tailspin. I cared for my invalid mother 24/7 the last 8 years of her 93 well-lived years. One of the greatest, most helpful comment I read in this blog section was that our love and support was deep and sincere, but certain words expressed in frustration, or “dropping the ball” on occasion, like missing “cues” I later recall as being a “request” for attention and comissiration, were NOT intentional. We are mere humans – frail in heart and mind on occasion. That horrible, weighty feeling of having let your loved one down is the worst; I have been coming to grips with it, though. One thing that helps is that I hope to be more attentive and “actionable” in the future when I am presented with an opportunity to serve as a friend and confidant to one in need.

  20. I lost my father 8 years back. I was 16 then. I still remember every bit of that cursed day, when he went out for office as usual but never came back. His heart gave out. He was so fit and fine in the morning. And the worst part is that I could do nothing at all. If only I had called him in the afternoon, if only he had told me, “Son I am not feeling well, Come and take me home!”. Even now, after 8 years, I never feel the real happiness in ceremonies etc. I used to feel when he was there. Everything seems so vacant. People told me that time heals up everything, but as time passes by, I miss him even more. Life will never be the same for me ever again.

  21. I lost my dearest cousin last year on November, and i havent stopped crying almost every night. The grief’s consuming really bad. I hope the comments i have just read will help me.

    Benny

  22. Sorry to hear of all your loss…., my loving father passed May 2nd 2015 to cancer I just found out that he was sick March 15 everthing was so sudden…. Hey passed away 2 weeks after my wedding……. It so hard to understand and deal with all my siblings wasn’t really there for him when he was alive but they all want his stuff I mad at them because my dad loved all of us but when he really needed every one none of them were here for him but me and my grandmother. This is hard for me because my dad raised me and he was my bestfriend and I was his baby girl…. Love u forever daddy❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

  23. “Wounds of the spirit…………….are most gently soothed and made whole by the passing years. Under the old scars flows again the calm, healthful tide of life……………Under a great loss the heart impetuously cries that it can never be happy again, and perhaps in it’s desperation says it wishes never to be comforted.

    But though angels do not fly down to open the grave and restore the lost, the days and months come as angels with healing in their wings. Under their touch aching regret passes into tender memory; into hands that were empty new joys are softly pressed; and the heart that was like the trees stripped of it’s leaves and beaten by winters tempests is clothed again with the green of springs.”

    Beautiful poem by George S. Merrion.

    For me this poem reminds me of the loss of my beloved father who passed away on 1st March 2014. Then 5 months later my brother-in-law passed away (he died of leukaemia) August 2014. My life has changed forever and I have days when I feel so angry but I now realise the anger, rage comes from pain. And it’s ok to admit that you are no where near over it (and probably never will be). I need to remind myself that it’s not a sign of weakness but it’s strength to feel the pain instead of suppressing it and then resulting in angry outbursts.
    I was feeling numb and sad and came across this blog. Thank you.

  24. Guys I am hurting. I am the first born in a family of five, 2 boys and 3 girls. I lost my dad at 15. I was devastated it was all sudden. We fought out of it my mum raising the family and me helping her when I started working. Then out of the blue my mum succumbed to a short illness in December 2014. My sister`s wedding was coming up in April 2015, things were looking up. She was obviously crushed by our mom`s passing. However we recovered from it helping each other through wedding preparations and the wedding was the best we could ever have imagined. Imagine then to get a call Friday 16 October to be told that her husband had had an accident and died on the spot, after just 6 months of marriage. I don`t think I will ever recover from this. We were not fully recovered from losing out mother and now this. God why can life be this cruel? Why us? I`m supposed to be strong for all my devastated siblings but I`m also suffering.

  25. I loss my mother on thanksgiving day 2015. I have many regrets and I blame myself for her death. She was always there for me but I wasn’t there for her. I was so cold on her on he phone. I am always angry with my siblings every time we talked on the phone. I think I hurt her a lot that she died of my words. She do everything for us but we are so heartless to her. I.love her very much and I wasn’t kind on her. If I only knew she will die. I would have tell her everything I saw here in America.

  26. In March 2013 I lost my husband to alzhiemers and 32 days later I lose my baby sister to cancer. I cry almost every day still. I can’t seem to shake this. I know from losing my parents that life does go on. Just hopeing that next stage kicks in soon. I feel so bad for all the others that feel that pain. That in itself helps to lighten the heartache . In (seven months I lost what was I thought best friend…after 40+ years I found out that wasn’t true…that was one hell of a year.. but life goes on…

  27. I lost my brother last year Dec and I miss him a lot, especially when I see my mother feeling sad for him. I pray for everyone and I also request you all to pray for my brother.

  28. I had two brothers both of them died in two separate car accidents my younger brother was only 16 years old and that was in 1987. My older passed away when he was 36 years old and that was in 1996 then I lost my half sister too liver complications and infection and that happened in 2008. I watched both of my parents bury all of their children but me. I then lost my mother to alzheimers and pneumonia in 2010 and then tragedy struck again in my life in 2015 when my dad passed away he was living in a adult foster care home and we just found out a week before he passed that he had lymphoma cancer and he was in hospice care but the caregivers that was to give him morphine for his pain and discomfort gave him an overdose when he was to receive 0.25 ml and he was given a 5. Such a horrific death I am truly having a real hard time but I just keep taking long deep breaths and one day at a time. I miss my family everyday.

  29. Nikita G K(Jain)

    Heart goes to all who have lost their dear ones….I have lost my uncle and thereafter my grandma within a year…..I was so depressed but consoled myself thinking god has a plan he must have done this to happen something good but the condition worsened..My another uncle died …now my mom lost her parents,her two brother. i cant gaze at my mom eyes after all these….This is also not an end….I lost my another uncle recently in DEC 2015…..my 12 years old bro(cousin)died on April 18th.he was suffering from a genetical disorder..his memories still going on my mind..i am not getting out of it when i think about his family specially my uncle who is very kind hearted,generous,cares everyone as their own blood relatives…and then comes to my another cousin,who being a sis of my 12yr cousin treated him like a her own child..and of Coarse his mother.I am feeling very guilty that i was not able to attend funeral at each incident thinking my sorrow will worsen when i look at their faces..so feeling very GUILTY at it…SO WANNA SAY SORRY AND MISS YOU ALL AND LOVE YOU FOREVER AND EVER….

    • Nikita. . . I couldn’t bring myself to attend my own mother’s funeral. I knew she had left this world – and I believe my pain and suffering at this severe loss in my life would have been made far worse should I have attended and placed in my memory those images of the day my sisters and brother attended to mom’s settling into her final place of rest. I suffer no guilt or shame in having made that decision – and I’m thankful that there’s less guilt and longing of the spirit than there might have been. . . This will be the first Christmas for this 63 year old man without a mother to call and say “Merry Christmas, Momma. . .”

  30. May you rest in peace my beloved Mother , i really can’t deal with my sadness for losing my mother , she was suffered from breast cancer for almost two years , my mom i wish i could be always at your feet to serve you , i am her only son , she was a brave woman , after her divorce when i was two years old never left me , educated me , taking care of me and she never left a day without mentioning me in her daily prayer , i remember everyday when before i went to my work she always stops me at the home door and touch my head with her hands giving me her blessings , oh my dear Mom you was my true beloved friend , the one who care for me , the one who believe in me even when i lose all my faith , by the God name it’s the most painful feelings to lose your mother , she was a humble woman talking to everyone , in her sickness and last days i felt my mom turned to be as my daughter even i am not a married man , in her death moments i took her hands kissing her and asking her forgiveness, my mom you was everything to me , you are the best friend , the best mother , and even you take my father role when he left me during my childhood , but you never left me , i know that you are in paradise for your sacrifice , the kindness in my heart inherited from you , Mom may we will meet in heaven someday , i miss you deeply my soul my beloved mother

  31. My beloved urielrey passed away last May 7, 2016 due to Ashmaticus, its very painful and missing him so much. I read bible and other reading materials which help me ease the pain but still there were times that I will cry. I know that He is now in heaven and one of the angels of the Lord because he is 12 years old but really missing him so much..

  32. We’ve lost of our father last December 24, 2015, due to sudden heart attack. We’re still grieving, then suddenly our mother reunited with our Lord last June 7, 2016 due heart attack also. I don’t know how to explain the pain we’re experiencing. The two most important person in our lives that molds us to be strong in every toughed times we’re encountering suddenly carried by the angels of our Dear Lord. We really missed them, and still in very painful situation. We love our parents so much. I always remember those happy times when they’re still alive. That’s why we cherished those times, to relieve the pain..

  33. My cousin died 3 weeks from today and it’s been very difficult for the family… :,(

    • I’m so sorry Chris. I just lost my 4 year-old niece over the weekend and it has been absolutely terrible. I’ve had to re-read this post a couple times just to remember the good advice from others.

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